Someone Else’s Esophagus

What a Curious Pursuit:

At the next Symposium for Concerned Scientists, remind the esteemed members of the board that certain fly families possess up to 1,000 untold eyes and that this seems egregious, borderline greedy and certainly, moral evaluations aside, a misallocation of natural resources.

The crowd behind you will grow visibly uneasy, and begin to grumble when you raise your concerns to the right and honorable committee of Concerned Scientists.

Nevertheless, persist in posing to the committee whether 1,000 eyes indeed constitutes unjust distribution among so many worthy and deserving creatures of the Earth, particularly in a region like this one, in which some of us have as little as two or three eyes, and some even have no eyes at all.

At the very moment your question is raised, a haggard, unkempt man in the back of the lecture-hall will rise to his feet with a start. He will gesture madly and gargle something incomprehensible, like a man without any lungs.

And still, it is crucial that you pose this bold and noble question to the committee: Should nature be allowed to have things so easy and in such abundance? And, more to the point: Why do flies have so many eyes?

Be sure to limit yourself to just two of these questions when you address the Symposium, as traces of passion and personality can generally be misconstrued as proud or boastful before anyone of authority, but especially to scientists.

At this time, a chorus of hecklers will join the haggard man behind you. The man who stomps and raves like mad with the crowd, like an Orangutan possessed by a demon. The same man who now sticks out his enormous sweaty tongue and holds a giant pair of scissors up to its edges, threatening mutilation.

The symbolic statement made by this man is not be lost on the others in the lecture-hall, who also rise to their feet, covering up their eyes (a gesture ostensibly intended to counter and refute the query you’ve currently posed to the committee). Observe the bedlam that now ensues, the great confusion among the ranks. Watch as the crowd falls to its knees in unison, their grave doubts as to the future. The Members of the committee will scream and curse, opening their mouths wide in order to show off the enormous tongues they have, which the flies do not, and the incredible noises they can make with them.

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