Glossary of Imaginary Sorrows

Prefertilization, noun.

Preferring and/or preparing to fertilize.

i.e. When you watch Mexican porn at work and, not having had the foresight to set your printer to ‘B&W Only’, accidentally click Print while your boss is making the rounds; and the two of you are forced to look on in shame as a series of Mexican babies emerge from the printer bearing labels like ‘Oscar/Lucinda Redux’ and ‘Las Papillas’ – which, you later learn, is Spanish slang for ‘Little Papers’.

Literatosis, noun.

Literary sclerosis exasperated by literary ambition exasperated by sclerosis of the liver.

i.e. I am trying to learn Italian as ‘research’ for a novel about a man who is trying to learn Italian. Neither one is going well. I can’t figure out who is cheating who. 

See also: Multilingualism & its Discontents, Death by Self-Plagiarism, Pirandello

Prefertilizing, transitive verb.

i.e. There is so much Spring in the air I could spring myself from the window.

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