Hyena vs. Wildebeest

I was running late to work the other day–
I don’t have a job exactly, but I felt late
anyway, the way I always feel late
when I accidentally
take a trip through Whole
Foods parking lot and forget
I’m not supposed to
talk to the people with the clip-boards
who always make me feel awful
and dirty
for not having washed my hair lately, or
for not having micro-dermed my skin
with any kind of special exfoliant at all.
So the other day, this woman stopped me
(I was feeling late again),
and she said:

‘Excuse me, sir. Would you care
to save a young girl’s life today’?

The two of us locked eyes
for a moment too long,
me and this eager young
woman with perfect skin,
this eager perfect young woman
smiling with teeth—

‘No thanks’, I said. ‘I already did’.

In that moment, I swear to you
I felt this woman’s soul
being sucked into my body,
her clip-board and all.*
I told myself I no longer needed
that special quinoa cleanse, that
maybe never again would I need
to buy my customary rare-trade
sherpa goat-cheese spread with apricot
that I used to like—

Not even a glass of Kombucha
could have made me feel so perfectly
on time.

*a Hyena will sometimes devour its prey before he has killed it.

*This was a type-writer poem. The requested topic by a stranger was ‘Kombucha’. It is also featured in the opening monologue of Other People Podcast with Brad Listi:


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