Separate Tables

-if i order the sea bass for the table, will you have some with me?
-i don’t want any of your sea bass, thanks.
-well, what about ceviche?
-well, what about ceviche?
-if i order the ceviche for the table, will you have some with me?
-i don’t want any of your ceviche, thanks.
-do you even know what ceviche is?
-yes, of course i know what ceviche is.
-you don’t, do you? you don’t even know what ceviche is.
-well no, i don’t know what a ceviche is. so what.
-so you already know you don’t want any ceviche even though you don’t know what ceviche is?
-well no.
-no, you don’t want any ceviche or no, you don’t want to know what ceviche is?
-no, i mean yes. i mean no, i don’t want any ceviche. and no, i don’t want to know what a ceviche is.
-oh just leave him alone, he’s a vegetarian.
-that’s right, i’m a vegetarian.
-that’s right, you’re a vegetarian!
-you forgot.
-i almost forgot. no wonder you don’t know what ceviche is.
-well yes. no wonder i don’t know what a ceviche is. so what.
-well okay, but you’re not really a vegetarian though. like a real one.
-well yes, i am a vegetarian actually.
-you can admit it. it’s okay if you’re just a vegetarian, like, for the jokes.
-okay, so i’m a vegetarian, like, for the jokes. so what.
-so okay, you’re a part-time vegetarian then.
-so i’m a part-time vegetarian then. so what.
-so you’re also a part-time asshole then basically.
-well yes, i am a part-time vegetarian. and i am also a part-time asshole basically. and i am also a part-time bleeding heart hypocrite. and i am also a part-time jew, a sometime shyster, and full-time poet. so what.
-so do you eat pork sometimes, too then?
-so i eat pork sometimes too then. so sue me!
-so basically, you will eat whatever the fuck is in front of you. is that it?

-so i would eat whatever the fuck is in front of me.
-so maybe you’re just a spiritual vegetarian then.
-well yes, so maybe i am a spiritual vegetarian then. i mean so maybe i’d eat a bird if you put it in front of me right now. so what.
-so i am going to order the ceviche then.
-so order the ceviche then!
-wait, a ceviche is not really a small bird, is it?
-i don’t know, would you eat a bird if i put a bird in front of you?
-honestly, if a ceviche is a small bird, i feel like i probably could eat a small bird right now.
-and toot suit. tell me about it.
-i could eat the fuck out of a small bird right now if you put a small bird in front of me.
-i’d eat a small child if you put a small child in front of me right now.
-tell me about it. i would eat the fuck out of a small child if you put a small child in front of me right now. i mean could.
-wait, how could you eat a small child if you still claim to be a vegetarian?
-i feel like i could eat a small child and still be a vegetarian.
-like a vegetarian in your heart?
-yes, deep down in the cockles of my heart, i feel like i could still be a vegetarian.
-well, that is an entirely different line of logic.
-well yes, i suppose it is then.
-so a kind of modest proposal then?
-well yes, i suppose eating a child could be a modest proposal.
-you’d only be doing the child a favor, i suppose.
-i’d be doing the parents a favor, too.
-so, eating a child could be just the right seasoning then.
-you could say that.
-a last-ditch form of contraception then?
-well yes, i’d only be preventing what the child would become.
-an asshole then.
-well yes, an asshole then.
-like all men.
-like all women.
-well under that line of logic, yes.
-amen.
A-men is right.
-i honestly feel like I could eat a small horse right now.
-i could eat the fuck out of a small horse right now.
-amen, A-man, amen.
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